An essay by Sarah Ruby
Domestic and family abuse is currently at the forefront of our national discourse, due to the horrifying murder of a Brisbane mother and her three beautiful children, by a man who decided that if they weren’t going to live ‘his way’, they had no right to live.
As a survivor of domestic abuse, I know I was only one of thousands of women around Australia who watched the aftermath of the attack with that sinking feeling in our stomachs, the familiar internal refrain of “that could have been me”- or, for some of us, “that could be me one day”. I certainly never expected to live to see 2020.
There is something frightening, impossible to prevent, and without and end-date happening in communities around Australia. The victims are men, women and children. They are hidden from sight, intimidated into silence, afraid of the consequences if they speak out. I’ve witnessed one such threat personally.
Therefore, with the freedom I have to do so, I believe it is necessary for me to inform the Australian public of this fact- the men, women and children in immigration detention in this country, and their friends and family, are being subjected to domestic abuse. The perpetrator is the Honourable Minister for the Department of Home Affairs, Peter Dutton.
Allow me to tell you what I’m watching unfold, from the perceptive of a domestic abuse survivor- men and women who have left situations of domestic abuse can usually, at some point in the future, identify the key elements that define the situation as abusive. In my case, that took years of therapy. Hopefully I can save you that time.
Emotional abuse- being belittled, dehumanised, being told at every turn that what you’re doing is wrong, that you’re a bad person or a bad parent, name-calling.
Financial abuse- having your access to money restricted, not being allowed to work or study, having your spending examined and essential items withheld from you.
Physical abuse- including, but not limited to, assault.
Sexual abuse- including, but not limited to, sexual assault.
Restriction of movement- being told where you’re allowed to go, and when. Having a curfew. Being isolated from family and friends.
Medical abuse and reproductive coercion- not being allowed to keep your medical visits or records private, being denied medical treatment, being denied contraception.
Gaslighting- blaming complaints about the above on your ‘mental health issues’, telling other people you’re unstable or that you’ve harmed your children, in order to isolate you from anyone who might support you.
Let’s examine how these play out in Immigration Detention.
Firstly, it needs to be said- the ‘kids off Nauru’ campaign was successful, but the vast majority of these children are now living in Community Detention.
In both custodial and community detention scenarios, the abuse criteria play out as follows:
Emotional abuse – parents are told by Australian Border Force caseworkers and Immigration staff that they’re ‘bad parents’ for bringing their children to Australia. The children are told that their parents made a mistake in bringing them to Australia, that this will never be their home, and that they have no future here. I witnessed one speaker-phone call with a minor in which an Australian Border Force caseworker told her that if she continued to complain about her unsuitable accommodation (strange men were frequently at the home, on one occasion under the influence, because the owner was allowing it- I physically removed a drunk man from their backyard), ‘the Minister might reconsider his generosity in allowing you to live in the community’. This was a threat to put the child back into Villawood Immigration Detention Centre, and I immediately cut the call.
Financial abuse – nobody in detention is allowed to work. Families in Community Detention rely on food banks and charities in order to survive. When rotting fruit and vegetables are all that can be procured, mothers cut the rotten bits off, and freeze them. Once teenagers turn eighteen, they are no longer allowed to study in any form. Young women whose mothers fled their country of origin so that they can receive a tertiary education are relegated to sitting at home, unable to work or study.
Physical abuse – Beatings from guards in detention are common, and have always been. Beatings from other detainees are a risk, some claim at the behest of the guards. What you won’t know, however, is that refugee children were beaten on Nauru by locals. One boy I know, as a ten year old, was badly beaten by an adult Nauruan man for trying to assist a child half his age who was also being beaten.
Sexual abuse – for some detention guards, sexual assault is a game. They target Muslim men during pat downs, then laugh, knowing homosexual activity is considered ‘haram’; I don’t know a single detained woman who wants to fall pregnant. Everyone identifies as too traumatised to care for a newborn.
An Australian Citizen is being repeatedly hospitalised against her will because her carer, her partner, has been detained. His detention has been officially declared arbitrary (yet in 2019, a man who murdered his wife walked free from Immigration Detention).
Gaslighting: You’ve all seen the claims of ‘asylum seekers being coached to self-harm by advocates’, ‘parents harming their children to come to Australia’. Not a shred of evidence has ever been offered, or found, to support these claims. After two years of searching extensively for proof of these claims from the Government, my only findings are:
children being bullied at school due to the stigma of having been a refugee on Nauru – bullied not only by students, but by teachers, and parents of other children.
I witnessed a speaker-phone call between a caseworker and teenage boy, where the boy was refusing to sleep in his allocated granny flat because the men in the house at the front had repeatedly accosted him, his mother, their friends, and threatened to shoot him – the caseworker told him that he couldn’t sleep in a car because ‘there could be snakes’. My own son is the same age – 16; if I forced him into an unsafe living situation, with an active threat of violence, I would be rightly investigated by Family and Children’s Services.
I wish I didn’t know any of this. I wish I could go all ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’ and erase what I’ve seen over the past five years. The reality is, I cannot.
We are taught as a society to speak up when we see domestic abuse being perpetrated. As a survivor, I strongly believe this principle must be upheld.
So, Australia, I must inform you: in my opinion, from both lived experience and what I’ve witnessed, the biggest perpetrator of domestic abuse against men, women and children, is your elected Minister for Home Affairs, Peter Dutton.
What will you do about it?
Thank you for speaking out on this. It’s devastating to read about the nature and extend of the impact of this governments actions. I hope that Australians will vote them out of office and demand an end to this travesty.
“What you’ve seen over the past five years” is not really that much horror to convey.
Well, not compared to the alternative:
– Mohammed Ibrahim stabbed a woman and a man to death in Melbourne in 2020
– Mohammad Akram Bahram stabbed a man in the back in Brisbane in 2020
– Mert Ney shouted “Allahu Akbar, shoot me, I want to die”(9) during a stabbing spree in Sydney CBD in 2019
– Hassan Khalif Shire Ali shouted “Allahu akbar” while stabbing Sisto Malaspina to death in Bourke St in 2018
– Momena Shoma shouted “Allahu akbar” while stabbing Roger Singaravelu in the neck in Mill Park in 2018
– Saeed Noori shouted “Allahu akbar” while stabbing Antonis Crocaris to death in Melbourne in 2017
– Ihsas Khan shouted “Allahu akbar, I want to die today”(9) while stabbing Wayne Greenhalgh in Minto in 2016
– Smail Ayad shouted “Allahu akbar” while stabbing Mia Ayliffe-Chung and Tom Jackson to death in Qld in 2016
– Farhad Khalil Mohammad Jabar shouted “Allahu akbar” while slaughtering Curtis Cheng in Parramatta in 2015
– Man Haron Monis wrote “Allahu akbar” before executing Tori Johnson in Sydney in 2014
Peter Dutton deserves a medal for the lives he’s potentially saved by reducing the flow of illegal immigration into Australia.
It furthermore seems strange that anyone genuinely concerned about domestic violence in Australia would advocate for importing more.
The Quran, prophet Mohammed and Islamic law all sanction husbands committing violence against their wives:
QURAN:
“Men are the managers of the affairs of women… Righteous women are therefore obedient…
And those you fear may be rebellious admonish; banish them to their couches, and beat them….”
Quran 4:34
Quran 4:34 – various translations of “beat them”:
– Sahih International: “and [finally], strike them”
– Pickthall: “and scourge them”
– Yusuf Ali: ” (And last) beat them (lightly)”
– Shakir: “and beat them”
– Muhammad Sarwar: “and beat them”
– Mohsin Khan: “(and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)”
– Arberry: “and beat them”
– Asad: “then beat them”
– Sale: “and chastise them”
– Dawood: “and beat them”
– Daryabadi: “and beat them”
– Sher Ali: “and chastise them”
– Rodwell: “and scourge them”
– Khalifa: “then you may (as a last alternative) beat them”
– Al-Hilali/Khan: “(and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)”
PROPHET MOHAMMED:
Iyas ibn Abdullah ibn Abu Dhubab reported the Messenger of Allah as saying:
Do not beat Allah’s handmaidens, but when Umar came to the Messenger of Allah and said: Women have become emboldened towards their husbands, he (the Prophet) gave permission to beat them. Then many women came round the family of the Messenger of Allah complaining against their husbands. So the Messenger of Allah said: Many women have gone round Muhammad’s family complaining against their husbands. They are not the best among you.
Sunan Abi Dawud 2146, Book 12, Hadith 101 (Grade – Sahih)
It was narrated that Iyas bin ‘Abdullah bin Abu Dhubab said:
“The Prophet said: ‘Do not beat the female slaves of Allah.’ Then ‘Umar came to the Prophet and said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, the woman have become bold towards their husbands? So order the beating of them,’ and they were beaten. Then many women went around to the family of Muhammad,. The next day he said: ‘Last night seventy women came to the family of Muhammad, each woman complaining about her husband. You will not find that those are the best of you.’ ”
Sunan ibn Majah, Vol. 3, Book 9, Hadith 1985 (Grade – Sahih)
It was narrated that Ash’ath bin Qais said:
“I was a guest (at the home) of ‘Umar one night, and in the middle of the night he went and hit his wife, and I separated them. When he went to bed he said to me: ‘O Ash’ath, learn from me something that I heard from the Messenger of Allah” A man should not be asked why he beats his wife, and do not go to sleep until you have prayed the Witr.”‘ And I forgot the third thing.”
Sunan ibn Majah, Vol. 3, Book 9, Hadith 1986 (Grade – Hasan)
Narrated Umar ibn al-Khattab:
The Prophet said: A man will not be asked as to why he beat his wife.
Sunan Abi Dawud 2147, Book 12, Hadith 102 (Grade – Da’if)
A “rigorously authenticated” hadith records that prophet Mohammed struck his child bride Aisha on the chest, causing her pain:
“He struck me on the chest which caused me pain”
Sahih Muslim 4:2127
It was narrated that ‘Aishah said:
“The Messenger of Allah never beat any of his servants, or wives, and his hand never hit anything.”
Sunan ibn Majah Vol. 3, Book 9, Hadith 1984 (Grade – Sahih)
It was narrated from Hakim bin Muawiyah, from his father, that:
a man asked the Prophet: “What are the right of the woman over her husband?” He said: “That he should feed her as he feeds himself and clothe her as he clothes himself; he should not strike her on the face nor disfigure her, and he should not abandon her except in the house (as a form of discipline).” (Hassan)
Sunan ibn Majah Vol. 3, Book 9, Hadith 1850 (Grade – Hasan)
It was narrated that:
Sulaiman bin Amr bin Ahwas said: “My father told me that he was present at the Farewell Pilgrimage with the Messenger of Allah. He praised and glorified Allah, and reminded and exhorted (the people). Then he said: ‘I enjoin good treatment of women, for they are prisoners with you, and you have no right to treat them otherwise, unless they commit clear indecency. If they do that, then forsake them in their beds and hit them, but without causing injury or leaving a mark. If they obey you, then do not seek means of annoyance against them. You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they are not to allow anyone whom you dislike to tread on your bedding (furniture), nor allow anyone whom you dislike to enter your houses. And their right over you are that you should treat them kindly with regard to their clothing and food.’ ”
Sunan ibn Majah Vol. 3, Book 9, Hadith 1850 (Grade – Sahih)
Narrated Ali ibn AbuTalib:
A slave-girl belonging to the house of the Messenger of Allah committed fornication. He (the Prophet) said: Rush up, Ali, and inflict the prescribed punishment on her. I then hurried up, and saw that blood was flowing from her, and did not stop. So I came to him and he said: Have you finished inflicting (punishment on her)? I said: I went to her while her blood was flowing. He said: Leave her alone till her bleeding stops; then inflict the prescribed punishment on her. And inflict the prescribed punishment on those whom your right hands possess (i.e. slaves).
Abu Dawud said: A similar tradition has been transmitted by Abu al-Ahwas from ‘Abd al-A’la, and also by Shu’bah from ‘Abd al-A’la. This version has: He said: Do not give her beating until she gives birth to a child. But the former (version) is sounder.
Sunan Abi Dawud 4473, Book 40, Hadith 123 (Grade – undetermined)
ISLAMIC LAW:
“DEALING WITH A REBELLIOUS WIFE”
m10:11 “If she commits rebelliousness, he keeps from sleeping (O: and having sex) with her without words, and may hit her, but not in a way that injures her, meaning he may not (A: bruise her,) break bones, wound her, or cause blood to flow. (O: It is unlawful to strike another’s face). He may hit her whether she is rebellious only once or whether more than once, though a weaker opinion holds that he may not hit her unless there is repeated rebelliousness.”
(4)(c) “if keeping from her is ineffectual, it is permissible for him to hit her (if) he believes that hitting her will bring her back to the right path, though if he does not think so, it is not permissible. His hitting her may not be in a way that injures her, and is his last recourse to save the family;”
‘Umdat as-Salik wa ‘Uddat an-Nasik
[Reliance of the Traveller and Tools of the Worshipper]
A Classic Manual of Islamic Sacred Law by Ahmad Ibn Naqib Al-Misri
Finally, how does the author feel about importing more sexual assault into Australia?
The Quran, prophet Mohammed and Islamic law all command that wives submit to sexual coercion by their husbands:
QURAN:
“Your wives are a tilth for you, so go into your tilth when you like”
Quran 2:223
PROPHET MOHAMMED:
Approach your tilth when or how you will, give her (your wife) food when you take food, clothe when you clothe yourself, do not revile her face, and do not beat her.
Abu Dawud said: The version of Shu’bah has: That you give her food when you have food yourself, and that you clothe her when you clothe yourself.
Sunan Abi Dawud 2143, Book 12, Hadith 98 (Grade – Hasan Sahih)
Prophet Mohammed cursed wives who resisted sexual coercion:
‘Abu Hurairah reported the Prophet as saying “When a man calls his wife to come to his bed and she refuses and does not come to him and he spends the night angry, the angels curse her till the morning”.’
Sunan Abi Dawud 2141, Book 12, Hadith 96 (Grade – Sahih)
‘The Prophet said, “If a man Invites his wife to sleep with him and she refuses to come to him, then the angels send their curses on her till morning”.‘
Sahih al-Bukhari 5193, Book 67, Hadith 127
‘The Prophet said, “If a woman spends the night deserting her husband’s bed (does not sleep with him), then the angels send their curses on her till she comes back (to her husband)”.’
Sahih al-Bukhari 5194, Book 67, Hadith 128
ISLAMIC LAW:
m5.0 CONJUGAL RIGHTS
THE WIFE’S MARITAL OBLIGATIONS
m5.1 It is obligatory for a woman to let her husband have sex with her immediately when:
(a) he asks her
m5.4 A husband possesses full right to enjoy his wife’s person (A: from the top of her head to the bottoms of her feet, though anal intercourse (dis:p75.20) is absolutely unlawful) in what does not physically harm her.
m10.1 It is obligatory for… the wife giving herself to him and obeying him
m10.11(3) It is obligatory for a wife to obey her husband as is customary in allowing him full lawful sexual enjoyment of her person.
e13.5 If a woman claims to be having her period, but her husband does not believe her, it is lawful for him to have sexual intercourse with her.
p42.2 The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
(2) “When a man calls his wife to his bed and she will not come, and he spends the night angry with her, the angels, curse her until morning.”
‘Umdat as-Salik wa ‘Uddat an-Nasik
[Reliance of the Traveller and Tools of the Worshipper]
A Classic Manual of Islamic Sacred Law by Ahmad Ibn Naqib Al-Misri